I’d like to take this opportunity to pay tribute to four words on a television screen that have brought a thrill to so many the world over: “Peter Falk as COLUMBO.”

Confession. I have never had fruitcake. I know nothing about it. Yes, I know what it is, but I don’t know what it is. I don’t know what it tastes like. And today, I’m going to eat it.

They celebrate Christmas in Japan, but it’s nothing you get the day off work for; it’s more akin to Valentine’s Day. They celebrate a weird version of Valentine’s Day, too, but that’s another story.

If you watch the Food Network, you know that in the two weeks leading up to Thanksgiving they show Thanksgiving-themed programming around the clock.

I have a friend whose mantra is ““If you want to get hit, go play in traffic.”” When economic recession swooped in, my husband and I decided to play in traffic — and we got hit.

We lament the day Ernie Kovacs was forced to quit the Nairobi Trio. And in Monkey Goggles Klassics: Klingon hardcore rap?

This is exactly what you think it is: A list of 50 things that tickle my geek reflex. The scary part is that I could probably make 50 more lists like this one.

I thought to myself, why is it less scary that a man in a costume is chasing them around with an axe than if it were a mummy or a floating revolutionary war soldier?

If you watch “The Apprentice” or “The Biggest Loser” or any of those other reality-based “game shows,” you may owe the host of “The Gong Show” a belated apology.

“Fantasy Football is like Dungeons & Dragons for jocks,” hipsters say. Not true. Though I played football as a younger fellow, I am no more a “jock” than someone who likes role-playing games is a wizard or cleric.