I’d like to take this opportunity to pay tribute to four words on a television screen that have brought a thrill to so many the world over: “Peter Falk as COLUMBO.”

It’s nowhere near an instant classic, but “Tron: Legacy” is an enjoyable and strong popcorn movie, and it doesn’t deserve much of the abuse it’s getting. Let’s break it down to the bits.

They celebrate Christmas in Japan, but it’s nothing you get the day off work for; it’s more akin to Valentine’s Day. They celebrate a weird version of Valentine’s Day, too, but that’s another story.

This one is for those who try and ruin Christmas for everyone. I am taking it on myself to douse you with a liberal helping of Christmas cheer whether you want it or not.

Even though things like sewing and embroidering don’t seem all that flashy, the mundanities of Nudie Cohn’s life are far more exciting than the highest points of mine.

Sheetar and Lumpy engage in mortal combat! Who will prevail?

When Karaoke was introduced to America in the early 1980s, it is said that Byrne demonstrated the equipment at its New York premiere with a terrifying version of Led Zeppelin’s “Whole Lotta Love.”

I freely admit that I liked “Glee’s” watered-down version of this tranny-filled musical, even if it changed the lyric of “Touch-A, Touch-A, Touch Me” from “seat wetting” to “bad fretting.”

I am SO into Halloween, they call me…Mr. Halloween. I LOVE Halloween. Not like mama-child love. Not like puppy love. Not even like how you might love Ore-Ida Tater Tots, but loving love.

Two chocolate-covered marshmallows, both of them shaped as pumpkins. Russell Stover and Peeps. One will be declared victorious, and the other will face internet scorn.