What’s That? You Need Holiday Presents?
Posted in One Million Watts on 29 November 2010
Stats: 4,062 views and No Comments

You say it’s the holidays and you need presents for your friends and family? We have a few suggestions. Turns out this site is sponsored by Archie McPhee!

The Ultimate Sales Letter
Posted in Lies and Entertainment on 24 September 2010
Stats: 4,847 views and 3 Comments

I have merged all the sales emails I have received in the last month into one super email which is guaranteed to sell your product. Use it wisely.

The Day Pandora Gave Me a Bean Burrito
Posted in Stories and Appreciations on 30 June 2010
Stats: 26,595 views and No Comments

You have probably never heard “Bean Burrito,” Hiram Bullock’s smooth jazz tribute to, well, a bean burrito. Nor would I have, if Pandora Radio’s algorithm-based system really worked.

Three Meditations on a Gorilla Suit After Deciding to Throw it Away
Posted in Stories and Appreciations on 14 April 2010
Stats: 21,409 views and 11 Comments

Some wouldn’t feel compelled to put on a gorilla suit when fate presents one, but I absolutely had to.

Natural Prankster
Posted in Stories and Appreciations on 29 March 2010
Stats: 6,100 views and 2 Comments

I discovered two rows of worker ants, one entering and one returning outside. I cringed as I imagined what they had found. A salsa spill? A forgotten stash of unwanted licorice jellybeans? A corpse?

Seven New Greeting Cards from Pakistan
Posted in One Million Watts on 6 January 2010
Stats: 23,024 views and 1 Comment

I propose that the most efficient way to understand a people and their culture is to examine their greeting cards. It’s like reading their mail before they send it.

Archie McPhee and Monkey Goggles
Posted in One Million Watts on 27 November 2009
Stats: 4,967 views and 3 Comments

Your support of Archie McPhee will help us to make sure that Monkey Goggles continues entertaining you, irritating you and recharging your libido with goat glands implanted just under the skin.

Bang Guns and Wolf Men: Exploring M. Gordon Novelty Shop
Posted in Stories and Appreciations on 17 November 2009
Stats: 12,584 views and 4 Comments

I knew I’d found it when I saw a blue building with a black-and-white Wolfman poster hanging in its window, assuring me that I was about to be in the best possible place.

The Root of Archie McPhee
Posted in Stories and Appreciations on 11 November 2009
Stats: 4,849 views and 5 Comments

Having been born and raised in Ohio, I understand boredom in a profound way. In 1963, the two most exciting things in my life were my $3.98 “Made In Japan” transistor radio with a fake leather case and Whitey, my albino hamster.

Rock of Monsters! Twenty Must-Have Halloween Songs
Posted in Things We Like on 29 October 2009
Stats: 36,786 views and 11 Comments

Over an insanely funky beat, good ol’ Charlie Brown throws down his paper bag full of stratum, elbows his way through his posse and steps up: “I gotta rock.” After this, no one will ever diss him again, not even Lucy.