An Excised Portion of the Official Biography of Kim Jong-Il Removed for Mysterious Reasons
Posted in Lies and Entertainment on 31 December 2010
Stats: 48,594 views and 1 Comment

After inventing the computer in 1958, the most exalted one looked out over his work and declared it good. He then ate 146 eggs for breakfast.

Rebbe Judah Jewstein’s Guide to the Christmas Season for Jews
Posted in Lies and Entertainment on 23 December 2010
Stats: 6,075 views and 4 Comments

Why in the world would you try to make Chanukah into some sort of Jewish Christmas? Are you mental?

Another Side of Fruitcake
Posted in Stories and Appreciations on 17 December 2010
Stats: 7,008 views and 1 Comment

Confession. I have never had fruitcake. I know nothing about it. Yes, I know what it is, but I don’t know what it is. I don’t know what it tastes like. And today, I’m going to eat it.

A Modest Christmas Wish
Posted in Lies and Entertainment on 10 December 2010
Stats: 4,553 views and No Comments

This one is for those who try and ruin Christmas for everyone. I am taking it on myself to douse you with a liberal helping of Christmas cheer whether you want it or not.

Life Lessons from a Motorcycle Safety Course
Posted in Stories and Appreciations on 1 December 2010
Stats: 4,682 views and 1 Comment

A midlife crisis can be a good thing. What if it’s really a preemptive emotional turmoil meant to warn you of a dangerous stagnation in your mind, body, soul, marriage or career? A kind of idiot light blinking just before things start to seize up and you get, you know, old?

Preparing for Your First TSA Grope
Posted in Lies and Entertainment on 26 November 2010
Stats: 4,171 views and No Comments

Attention travelers! The Transportation Security Administration is now offering your pre-flight choice of a naked photo or an “enhanced patdown.” Here’s how to prep yourself for the grope.

Crime Prevention Tips for a Dangerous World
Posted in Lies and Entertainment on 12 November 2010
Stats: 5,176 views and 1 Comment

You probably live a state of constant fear, and with good reason: The world is full of blackmailers, robbers, printer cartridge mailers and other “ers” far too terrible to mention.

Initiatives That Should’ve Been on the Washington Ballot
Posted in Seattle on 9 November 2010
Stats: 3,967 views and No Comments

Last week, Washington State voted to preserve its historic prohibition-era blue laws and took steps to insure that Tim Eyman will be in our lives for at least 30 more years. But it’s not enough.

A Halloween Apology Letter
Posted in Lies and Entertainment on 5 November 2010
Stats: 4,142 views and No Comments

Dressing as you for Halloween was intended as an homage, it was not meant to insult or anger you. It was just a rib. (By the way, did you see the McRib is back this week? Yum!)

Mr. Halloween
Posted in Lies and Entertainment on 28 October 2010
Stats: 4,510 views and 2 Comments

I am SO into Halloween, they call me…Mr. Halloween. I LOVE Halloween. Not like mama-child love. Not like puppy love. Not even like how you might love Ore-Ida Tater Tots, but loving love.