A friend wondered why “Auld Lang Syne” is the theme music for New Year’s Eve; why not something more upbeat, more funky, more par-tay?

People take great pride in their Christmas trees, whether they be real or artificial. Colored or white lights? Bows and ribbons, or strings of beads? The possibilities are endless.

Why in the world would you try to make Chanukah into some sort of Jewish Christmas? Are you mental?

If you like music, then you like Xmas music. I’m not talking about the crap you hear at the mall or the post office. I guarantee there’s a healthy dose of magnificent holiday music for you.

Confession. I have never had fruitcake. I know nothing about it. Yes, I know what it is, but I don’t know what it is. I don’t know what it tastes like. And today, I’m going to eat it.

They celebrate Christmas in Japan, but it’s nothing you get the day off work for; it’s more akin to Valentine’s Day. They celebrate a weird version of Valentine’s Day, too, but that’s another story.

We settled on some dreadful brand of peppermint schnapps. We figured that the amount of sediment on the bottle was indicative of how little my parents cared about it.

The subliminal suggested-sell, the hammer of the gods, and the Christmas sweater — which one do you fear the most?

This one is for those who try and ruin Christmas for everyone. I am taking it on myself to douse you with a liberal helping of Christmas cheer whether you want it or not.

I lay my hat in Lower Queen Anne, where cohabiting young couples, daffy cat ladies and people who have made poor life choices meet. It’s also Seattle’s Christmas Central.