The Archives

You Asked For It: Hollywood Edition
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Posted in Lies and Entertainment on 26 March 2010
Stats: 4,019 views and 1 Comment

Theater owners from all over the world gathered at the ShoWest Convention in Las Vegas to see what surefire money-making product the major Hollywood studios has in store. Here’s what they were promised.

Some Walk By Night: Tales of a Preteen “Moonlighting” Fiend
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Posted in Stories and Appreciations on 4 March 2010
Stats: 32,096 views and 3 Comments

I was a state-champion turkey caller. I organized a neighborhood circus day. But my favorite activity of my formative years was obsessing over a certain 1980s prime-time detective drama.

The Short and Merry Life of a Movie Critic
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Posted in Stories and Appreciations on 2 March 2010
Stats: 50,097 views and 5 Comments

In August 2001 I became the movie critic for a daily newspaper, despite the fact that I didn’t know from German Expressionism and had no special love for “Citizen Kane.”

But Wait! There’s More!
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Posted in Stories and Appreciations on 12 January 2010
Stats: 10,592 views and 3 Comments

In the years since the Ginsu ads of the 1980s, simple TV pitches have evolved into infomercials. Their tentacles now reach far beyond the predawn zone, especially if you don’t pay for cable.

Son of Talking Animals: Great Cartoon Voice Actors, Part 2
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Posted in Stories and Appreciations on 8 December 2009
Stats: 12,806 views and 5 Comments

While dozens of talented people labor to make a cartoon character believable in form and appealing to the eye, once that series of drawings opens its mouth, it’s one person that makes you believe.

The Worst Celebrity Product Licenses of All Time, Part 2
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Posted in One Million Watts on 7 December 2009
Stats: 14,249 views and 7 Comments

It says a lot about the Atomic Age that America’s pre-Kennedy First Family, the Ricardos, hawked cigarettes for the holidays. Now we know why Lucy’s voice was lower than James Earl Jones’.

Come Fly with Cheese! Helpful Air Travel Tips from Vegas Celebrities
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Posted in One Million Watts on 25 November 2009
Stats: 40,151 views and 1 Comment

The TSA has several not-at-all arbitrary guidelines governing air travel. Nowhere have I seen those rules and regulations more entertainingly expressed than at McCarran International Airport.

The Worst Celebrity Product Licenses of All Time
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Posted in One Million Watts on 19 October 2009
Stats: 53,167 views and 9 Comments

What was the marketing guy thinking when he hooked up The Supremes with a branded white bread deal? Pumpernickel, maybe, but white bread?

Leaving Spamalot: Taking a Joke Too Far
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Posted in Stories and Appreciations on 14 September 2009
Stats: 9,439 views and 6 Comments

I’ve never eaten a single bite of Spam in my life, yet I probably have more goofy stories surrounding the iconic slab of preserved, pork product than most people living outside of Hawaii or Guam.

Close Encounters with Penn Jillette
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Posted in One Million Watts on 8 September 2009
Stats: 8,784 views and 1 Comment

In the weeks before I met magician/con artist/professional wiseass Penn Jillette backstage at Las Vegas’ Huntridge Theater, I experienced a number of Penn sightings. His towering silhouette would mask out the sun for a moment, and I would feel woozy and disoriented.