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Awesome Halloween Facts!

15 October 2010 Lies and Entertainment 6,438 views No CommentPrint This Post Print This Post Email This Post Email This Post

There is a sad lack of truth and fact-checking on the internet. In fact, it’s rumored that anyone can post anything they want and that on Wikipedia anyone can change anything at any time. You don’t even have to have a high school diploma to write for them! To help you work your way through the murky mire of half-truths and lies that is the world wide web, we present to you our 100% researched and verified facts on Halloween.

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Halloween is actually a pagan holiday linked to the fall harvest. It was originally called All Hallows Evening, which was shortened to All Hallows Even, then it became Hallowe’en, then just Halloween. By the year 2020 it will be called A Day of Celebration for our North Korean Overlords (formerly Halloween).

Halloween is a mix of traditions including the Catholic All Saints Day, the Celtic Samhain Day and the ancient French holiday Secretary’s Day. Although Secretary’s Day has continued as its own holiday, it no longer consists of French bosses killing their secretaries and then dressing as them while eating candy as it did during the middle ages.

In the early 1900s, giving fruit or any healthy treat to a Trick or Treater was punishable by death.

There is a movement among Christian organizations in America to declare the “satanic” origins of Halloween. This is not true! Satan is actually behind Arbor Day, parts of Canada Day and Talk Like a Pirate Day.

If, on Halloween, you disguised your odor instead of how you look, it would be called Smelloween.

Apple bobbing, the game of floating apples in water and trying to remove them using just your mouth, was originally done with squirrel heads in sewage. In 1887 this was discontinued when it was decided that the process, no matter how fun and delicious, was cruel and demeaning to squirrels.

In Detroit, the night before Halloween is known as Devil’s Night. On that night, it is traditional that city youths travel in gangs committing acts of vandalism and arson. Since 2002, the tradition has not been followed because it became too difficult for anyone to find something of value to vandalize or burn down. A spokesman for the city’s young people has declared that the destruction will resume as soon as there is any economic development.

Jack-O-Lanterns are a replacement for the French Secretary’s Day tradition of displaying your secretary’s head in front of your place of business. The candles were initially not to illuminate the head, but to make sure you didn’t step on them as you visited your lawyer or accountant.

In the Charlie Brown Halloween special, the Great Pumpkin that Linus waits for is actually an attempt by Satanists to take over the holiday that so many claim is already theirs. In the original broadcast Linus performed a black mass to summon the “Great Pumpkin” (Satan) which was cut from later showings.

If Halloween were Smelloween, you could dress as Larry King by rubbing yourself in moth balls and corned beef!

David Wahl

PHOTO BY GEOFF CARTER

From Helpful Research

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