Mark Pahlow 3 August 2009 One Million Watts 1,305 views 3 Comments Print This Post  Email This Post

The year 1974 was a year of anxiety for me: the draft lottery, a bloody war in Vietnam and the Watergate scandal.   That year of suffering also contained my traumatizing encounter movie star, Telly “Kojak” Savalas.

Kojak was the popular TV show that year, with Telly playing a tough, bald, lollipop sucking NY homicide cap named Kojak, whose used the catchphrase, “Who loves ya, baby?”   America was in love with Telly Savalas, and Theo Kojak, that year.

I needed to go to a wedding reception at the San Fernando Valley Hilton.  It was a hot, dry California night as I coasted my 1963 VW Microbus, with its chronic electrical problems, down a small Silver Lake hill and popped it into second to get it going.  I had paid $500 for the bus in Ohio, painted it brown and purple with a brush.   It looked like crap, was grossly underpowered, had no heater and brakes were lousy.   Don’t even mention the VW electrical system.

At the swanky Hilton parking lot, a place I had never been, I became confused and drove into the exit, instead of the entrance.  Pulling out at the same moment was a beautiful, sleek black Mercedes sedan.   New model, top of the line.  And I was blocking the exit.

The window came down and Kojak leaned out to stare at me with disdain.   I shifted into reserve but fumbled the stick/clutch coordination and stalled.   I tried to restart the bus, but my piece of German engineering was not performing.   I started to sweat.

Telly shakes his head, takes the cigarette from his mouth and launches a verbal nuclear strike about stupid hippies, interspersed with coarse words for female and male genetalia, along with various vulgar spins on the human excretory system and the resulting waste product.  All directed right at me—the rays of venom and hatred bored into my sternum like hot lava from a volcano.

It went on and on as I turned the key and ground the VW starter into metal dust.  Finally, the gods took pity and the bus started.  I reversed and got out of his way as Kojak peeled out of the lot while flipping me off.

Peace and love, Telly, peace and love, even if you do not love me, baby.

- Mark Pahlow