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You Asked For It: Hollywood Edition

26 March 2010 Lies and Entertainment 4,417 views One CommentPrint This Post Print This Post Email This Post Email This Post

A couple of weeks ago, theater owners from all over the world gathered at the annual ShoWest Convention in Las Vegas to see what kind of glitzy, surefire money-making product the major Hollywood studios has in store for them in the years to come. Here’s a partial list of the films the exhibitors were promised at ShoWest, some of which are already in production and may appear at your local multiplex as early as this summer.

Untitled “How Sandra Bullock Got Her Groove Back” Feature

Dog Day Afternoon 3-D

Caligula Begins

Disney Princesses Meet The Mummy

Whatever The Hell James Cameron Wants to Do With a Billion Dollars of Our Money

Precious 2: Based on the film Precious which was itself based on the novel Push by Sapphire

Police Academy: Frottage Patrol

Zooey Deschanel Takes a Feature-Length Bath

A Two-Minute, 20-Second Film About Twitter

Michael Bay’s Guantanamo Bay

Scott Pilgrim vs. Aliens vs. Predator

Woody Allen’s Loss Leader Project

Let’s Get Kraken!

The Twilight Series: Teen Wolf, Too

You Won’t Believe that Even Nicolas Cage Stooped to Make This One

Precious 3: Based on the film Precious 2 which was itself based… (Visit the film’s official website for full title)

Hear That? It’s Morgan Freeman!

Transporter 4: The Wheels on the Bus

Betty White as The Gramma Who Says “Get That Weak S— Up Out My Face.”

Some Dreamworks Animation piece of crap with wisecracking talking animals (Plot and characters TBA. What? You’ll see it anyway.)

Kick-Ass 2: Kick Even More and Varied Ass

A Boring Movie with Great Costumes and No Less than Four Academy Award Nominees

Tim Burton’s Hot Topic

Untitled Thriller Based on Yelp (Hugh Jackman and Angelina Jolie attached to star)

Wow, Jackie Chan is Getting Old

Come Back, Weekend at Bernie’s: All is Forgiven


Geoff Carter


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One Comment »

  1. mmm. Cheetos.

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