David Wahl 16 October 2009 Lies and Entertainment 1,133 views One Comment Print This Post  Email This Post

Have you ever watched a movie or TV show and thought, you know what would make this good… And then come up with an amazing idea that would revolutionize the show? So have we.

Now, we aren’t saying that the original ideas are bad, just that ours would be better. Here are a few suggestions on how our favorite television shows and movies may be improved.

The Talented Mr. Ripley: Wouldn’t this be better if it were called “The Taloned Mr. Ripley” and Matt Damon flew around Rome with Gwyneth Paltrow clutched in his falcon-like claws? Instead of the story of a murdering psychopath, it would be the story of a half-man/half-bird who pretends to like jazz and eats rich people as food.

Slumdog Millionaire: Rename it “Slumdog Deal or No Deal” and rewrite from there. Also, less poverty.

Confessions of a Shopaholic: No more shopping, just an addiction to corn dogs. In fact, the lead character likes them so much she can’t stop talking about them. That’s the confession part of the title. In the final scene she wakes up on a midway in a pile of wooden sticks, her face stained with yellow mustard and she promises herself her life is going to have to change for the better. I’m sure the cast of the movie could handle this. But, if I wanted to be really sure, I’d have to look up who was in this movie and I’m not willing to do that.

Two-and-a-Half Men: To improve this show, it should live up to its title: One of the characters should be cut in half. I vote for Charlie Sheen, but really any one of them would work.

Nip/Tuck: Kathleen Turner should be hired, given a large fish and allowed to wander the set freely. She can just appear at random, striking actors (who have been instructed not to react to her) with the fish while saying in her deep voice, “Fish! Fish! All we have in life can be reduced to fish!”

No Country for Old Men: This should be a movie about a law being passed making it illegal to be an old man. At the age of 55 men are faced with either death or a sex change. But they can keep the Javier Bardem parts. Those are awesome.

House MD: They should drop all the supporting characters and personal growth stuff and just bring in new people for House to yell at every week.

Citizen Kane: Ninjas, a big sledding race and a Chevy Chase cameo.

Wheel of Fortune: Add a space on the wheel that indicates that the player has to get tazered by Pat Sajak. Not only would it increase the drama of the show, it seems like something Pat would enjoy.

Bring It On!: Same movie except one of the characters has a magical bag of pork rinds that allows her to fly and correctly guess the weights of passing strangers.

Monster Versus Aliens: Lets rename it “Monsters Versus Allens,” and have a lovable band of celebrity-voiced CGI monsters do battle with Woody Allen, Tim Allen and Lily Allen. Woody and Tim could tell everyone how funny they used to be while Lily flashed that blobby eye-monster from the trailer. Oh wait, I said these would make the movie better, didn’t I? Scratch this one, I just got carried away.

- David Wahl

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