Geoff Carter 7 October 2009 Things We Like 909 views 3 Comments Print This Post  Email This Post

I am wholly incapable of seeing a vintage Mille Bornes gameset in a thrift or consignment shop without buying it. I gift them to friends, leave them in deserving bars and sometimes cannibalize them for art supplies. As of this writing, I have let the gauge dip below a quarter-tank: I have only three complete Mille Bornes sets in my games closet. Through sheer willpower, I am preventing myself from going to eBay, where a 1964 edition of the card game can be found for as low as $5.

I wish I could tell you that the reason I’m an ardent collector of this automobile-themed card game, invented by Frenchman Edmond Dujardin in 1954, is because I love to play it. Or because I love automobiles, or card games, or France. But alas: I stink at all manner of card games, I haven’t owned a car in three years, and I’ve never seen France (though I’ve seen plenty of frilly underpants).In fact, I’m not even sure if I’ve ever played Mille Bornes one-hundred-percent correctly; the rules are convoluted and many. Reading through Mille Bornes’ rule sheet is almost as bad as studying for your actual driver’s license:

Note: Unlike the normal use of a Safety card, when a Coup Fourre is played, the Hazard on the Battle Pile is REMOVED, thus uncovering the previous card on the Battle Pile.

If you reach the mileage goal, and the opponent has no mileage played, then you get an extra 500 points. For this reason, it is desirable to play any mileage card as soon as possible to avoid a shut-out.

The rule book for Mille Bornes can cure insomnia. The true reason I buy a Mille Bornes set whenever I come across one is an embarrassingly basic one: It’s because I think the cards are pretty.

I’ve loved the look of Mille Bornes cards ever since I was a kid, when my friends and I would play the game simply to hold the cards in our hands and imagine what it would be like to haul ass through Europe in a Citroen DS. With their bold graphics and fonts, French and English instructions and faintly unfamiliar iconography, Mille Bornes cards were the first cosmopolitan thing I ever owned. They seemed avant-garde somehow. And I strongly recommend that you acquire your own set of Mille Bornes cards for that still-valid reason, and for one other reason: The game really is fun to play, once you’ve figured out the damned rules.

I have a few pieces of advice to give you before you run out and buy your own Mille Bornes set. One: It’s pronounced “meel born,” and that’s French for “1000 Milestones” – the “distance” you will travel in the course of a game. Saying it correctly seems to intimidate the other players, so there’s that. Two: Do not buy the recent editions of the game that are manufactured by Hasbro or Winning Moves; they’ve changed the design of the cards, Americanized them, and the new versions are as ugly as tire-shop billboards. The older Parker Brothers editions of the game – grass-green box, or the orange-and- white box – have the original card designs, and aren’t that tough to come by.

Lastly, and most important of all: When you score a coup-fourré, be sure to scream out the words “KOOOO FORAY!” as loud as you can, or it doesn’t count. At least, I think that’s the case. It’s not like you’re going to read the rules to prove me wrong.