This coming year, the Monkey Goggles crew resolves to better know the music of little-known pop ensemble The Beatles, and to join the Burbank Karate Club in its campaign against undead evil.

Here are a few of the television series currently running in my head. Technology hasn’t developed to the point where you can actually watch them, and they probably aren’t worth actually making.

In 1981, authors and psychics Irving Wallace, David Wallechinsky and Amy Wallace delivered a 500-page slab of well-intentioned crackpot ramblings. Join us now in the 20th Century as they tell you what to expect of the second decade of the 21st.

So far, I’d worked for the psychic phoneline, written horoscopes for a tiny neighborhood newspaper, and drafted two chapters of a mystery novel featuring a trust-fund hippie amateur detective. But today, I was on my way to the culmination of my biggest Seattle dream.

We’re celebrating the season the best way we know how — with outrageously funky Christmas music, the timeless comedy of Laurel & Hardy and a heartfelt thanks to everyone who makes Monkey Goggles fun to look through.

“A Christmas Story” may have its happy ending, but what about all of those kids who never got their Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action 200-Shot Range Model Air Rifle? All of us have stories about the present we always wanted but never got.

When word spread in 1984 of the all-star Band Aid charity single “Do They Know It’s Christmas?,” it sounded like a one-off event. Would we be hearing it again for years to come … or even the following Christmas?

I celebrated my first non-denominational holiday in 1987, and it marked two occasions: My embrace of the financial model that keeps our retail infrastructure afloat, and my last real day as a Jehovah’s Witness.

Celebrate this amorous season by reading Joyce to vermin and by watching Frankie and Annette not getting any. And nosh on a bucket of ears, tongues and fingers while you do so.

It was a primitive time of music stored on magnetic tapes and mysterious health dances called jazzercise performed by a people called “jazzercisers.” Our wars were cold and our cubes rubik’d.