After awakening from a troubled sleep infected with visions of demonic abstractions pitched at odd angles against an impossible landscape of stark horror, my sweet tooth hit.

Everyone wants to own a ventriloquist dummy, but how do we overcome the fear that it will come to life in the middle of the night and stab us to death?

We believe that you shouldn’t have to be human to experience shame. Shame should be equally enjoyed and celebrated by all living things.

Each film portrays a stunning beauty of her day (1961’s Miss Hourglass — so named for having sand in all the right places!) at the height of her acting prowess.

Surely the origins of this carnival mainstay are perfectly innocent. Guess again. Grab the brass ring of these true merry-go-round facts!

I’m tired of having my great do-it-yourself ideas shot down. Who doesn’t want to build their own one-person hot tub, knit their own money or have their very own floating plastic island?

I have been to my share of nerd conventions. There are entire subcultures of nerds that aren’t into the stereotypical sci-fi/fantasy mishmash, and I have confronted them all and survived.

I should be a millionaire several times over by this point in my life. Scores of venture capitalists should be clamoring to take me to lunch, and I’ll tell you why.

Here are the skills you’ll need to become the world’s greatest practical joker. Just like basic training in the Army, you’ll learn a set of skills that will take you from Private Pitiful to Colonel Cutup!

I’ve written a bunch of pieces that I thought would be perfect for this site, but then I realized I couldn’t actually publish any of them. Still, there’s no harm in describing them. I think.