David Wahl is generally a happy guy, but has a constant awareness that he is always disappointing someone. If it was you, he's very sorry. If you would like a blurry Polaroid of his subconscious mind, visit his Mostly Forbidden Zone image blog.
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The Emperor’s New Ping
By David Wahl
Posted in One Million Watts on 3 September 2010
Stats: 23 views and No Comments

I join social networks willy-nilly and put little or no thought into them, but it isn’t what I put on them that matters. It’s what I leave off.

Excerpts from H.P. Lovecraft’s Yelp Page
By David Wahl
Posted in Lies and Entertainment on 27 August 2010
Stats: 563 views and 3 Comments

After awakening from a troubled sleep infected with visions of demonic abstractions pitched at odd angles against an impossible landscape of stark horror, my sweet tooth hit.

Suggested Product Improvements: The Ventriloquist’s Dummy
By David Wahl
Posted in Lies and Entertainment on 20 August 2010
Stats: 384 views and 6 Comments

Everyone wants to own a ventriloquist dummy, but how do we overcome the fear that it will come to life in the middle of the night and stab us to death?

A Modesty Proposal
By David Wahl
Posted in Lies and Entertainment on 13 August 2010
Stats: 355 views and 3 Comments

We believe that you shouldn’t have to be human to experience shame. Shame should be equally enjoyed and celebrated by all living things.

Awesome Merry-Go-Round Facts!
By David Wahl
Posted in Lies and Entertainment on 6 August 2010
Stats: 600 views and 3 Comments

Surely the origins of this carnival mainstay are perfectly innocent. Guess again. Grab the brass ring of these true merry-go-round facts!

Five Tips for Visiting Comic-Con, from Someone Who Has Never Been
By David Wahl
Posted in Lies and Entertainment on 23 July 2010
Stats: 568 views and 3 Comments

I have been to my share of nerd conventions. There are entire subcultures of nerds that aren’t into the stereotypical sci-fi/fantasy mishmash, and I have confronted them all and survived.

Got Malted?
By David Wahl
Posted in Stories and Appreciations on 21 July 2010
Stats: 524 views and 2 Comments

I love malted milk, malted milk balls and all related products. I love then enough to want to sing their praises in public, because it seems like the flavor of the malted is disappearing.

A Guide to Practical Jokes, Part 1
By David Wahl
Posted in Lies and Entertainment on 16 July 2010
Stats: 549 views and 1 Comment

Here are the skills you’ll need to become the world’s greatest practical joker. Just like basic training in the Army, you’ll learn a set of skills that will take you from Private Pitiful to Colonel Cutup!

Articles I Was Going to Write, But Didn’t
By David Wahl
Posted in Lies and Entertainment on 9 July 2010
Stats: 332 views and 1 Comment

I’ve written a bunch of pieces that I thought would be perfect for this site, but then I realized I couldn’t actually publish any of them. Still, there’s no harm in describing them. I think.

Awesome Caffeine Facts!
By David Wahl
Posted in Lies and Entertainment on 2 July 2010
Stats: 754 views and 2 Comments

Put down that mochachino. In the interest of public education, we at Monkey Goggles present the following incredibly well-researched and fact-checked information about caffeine.