Author Profile: Lorien Gruchalla

Biography »

Lorien is some kinda weird gadfly who does a buncha stuff and likes a buncha things -- film noir and rusty scissors especially. If you're lucky, you can catch her writing in places like Blood and Thunder magazine and eyeball her pictures at Schadenfreude Photography. If you're even luckier, you can buy her a beer at the local pub.
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Publications »

Tomorrow’s Tater Tots, Today!
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Posted in One Million Watts on 1 September 2010
Stats: 11,547 views and 8 Comments

My restaurant would serve one thing, and serve it well: tater tots. I would rock tater tots so hard that even the slouchy, diffident hipsters would gobble up them by the boatload.

Some Impractical Things Remembered
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Posted in Stories and Appreciations on 26 August 2010
Stats: 5,538 views and 3 Comments

I remember things of no consequence. But the things that do stick with me have their own importance, even though they’re not of any practical use.

The Art of Gardening Self-Defense
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Posted in One Million Watts on 4 August 2010
Stats: 2,712 views and No Comments

Want your garden to defeat prowlers, obnoxious kids, chumps selling magazines and maybe even Godzilla? There are several pretty but cruel options available.

How to Bring Back Paint-by-Number Art
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Posted in Stories and Appreciations on 26 July 2010
Stats: 9,814 views and 2 Comments

While running an errand at Michael’s Arts and Crafts, something caught my eye: smiling clowns and wolves pacing through the woods. Oh yes, the paint-by-number aisle!

The Majesty of Toast
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Posted in Stories and Appreciations on 15 July 2010
Stats: 5,336 views and 4 Comments

You know what’s awesome? Toast. I’m so smitten with it that I have a tattoo of a toaster on my left arm. When people inquire after its significance, all I say is this: “I like toast.”

Confessions of an Early Riser
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Posted in One Million Watts on 29 June 2010
Stats: 4,053 views and 3 Comments

I’ve always been a night person. Always. Even as a kid, when I’d stay up to watch “Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman” solely to keep Morpheus at bay.

Road Trip!
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Posted in Stories and Appreciations on 10 June 2010
Stats: 20,215 views and 3 Comments

On a good road trip, we’d remember to bring the directions to someone-or-other’s aunt’s lake cabin and we’d head in that general direction. The best trips would happen when we actually found it.

Commuting with Superheroes
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Posted in Seattle on 2 June 2010
Stats: 4,555 views and 1 Comment

The regulars on my bus are the costumed crusaders that keep the city safe. Not in a grandiose, Batmannish sort of way, but in their own, quiet ways.

But Have You Heard the Cover Version?
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Posted in Stories and Appreciations on 24 May 2010
Stats: 24,807 views and 1 Comment

Reinvention, pastiche, novelty, call it what you will – cover songs are an entirely other way of listening to some already great music.

Chivalry in the Time of Zombies
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Posted in One Million Watts on 18 May 2010
Stats: 39,094 views and 3 Comments

If someone wants to hold the door for me, fine, I’ll let them. Until the Zombie Apocalypse starts.