Author Profile: Lorien Gruchalla

Biography »

Lorien is some kinda weird gadfly who does a buncha stuff and likes a buncha things -- film noir and rusty scissors especially. If you're lucky, you can catch her writing in places like Blood and Thunder magazine and eyeball her pictures at Schadenfreude Photography. If you're even luckier, you can buy her a beer at the local pub.
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Publications »

Preventative Maintenance
Posted in One Million Watts on 27 December 2010
Stats: 23,475 views and 2 Comments

There will be changes made, but I’m not giving them the power of Resolutions. As non-resolutions, these reminders won’t induce guilt when they are inevitably broken.

Adventures in Seattle Jaywalking
Posted in Seattle on 15 December 2010
Stats: 15,947 views and 3 Comments

When I was growing up, jaywalking was easy. You wanted to cross the street, there were no cars, you went. Here in Seattle, the same act is fraught with all manner of psychodrama.

I Wanna Get Me a Nudie Suit
Posted in Stories and Appreciations on 8 December 2010
Stats: 12,439 views and 1 Comment

Even though things like sewing and embroidering don’t seem all that flashy, the mundanities of Nudie Cohn’s life are far more exciting than the highest points of mine.

An Open Letter to All Food Trucks
Posted in Stories and Appreciations on 2 December 2010
Stats: 7,093 views and 2 Comments

I really like the idea behind what you do — a literal movable feast. But I lament the lack of pho, mini doughnut and mashed potatoes trucks.

Wreath Havoc!
Posted in One Million Watts on 15 November 2010
Stats: 8,107 views and No Comments

Why can’t I just get a Styrofoam ring and make my own holiday wreath? A little hot glue and some straight pins and voila!

Hipster Affectations: The Next Wave
Posted in Lies and Entertainment on 12 October 2010
Stats: 27,700 views and 4 Comments

Forget pocket puppies and designer kittens. Some hipsters are already filling their houses with canaries trained to sing Decemberists tunes.

Distant Trains and Matching Luggage
Posted in Stories and Appreciations on 4 October 2010
Stats: 4,054 views and 1 Comment

I said “Hi, your suitcase has my uncommon last name on it.” But I was actually thinking “Zzzzzzzzzzzz flibbert-snort garfnaggle brot flibbidy-hoo.”

The Shoe-Petter Incident
Posted in Seattle on 28 September 2010
Stats: 5,421 views and 1 Comment

For a number of years, my favorite shoes were a pair of slip-on Vans. These were not just your average Spicoli-styled Vans, but leopard-print cowhide Vans. They, um, attracted attention.

Searching for the Perfect Cardigan
Posted in Stories and Appreciations on 15 September 2010
Stats: 5,314 views and 2 Comments

I’ve looked practically everywhere and still I have not been able to find the Perfect Cardigan. Honestly, I’m not asking for much.

Monsters, Redheads and Darren McGavin
Posted in Things We Like on 9 September 2010
Stats: 5,642 views and 2 Comments

To my mind, there’s only one way to embrace the waning sunlight of autumn: by watching spooky TV shows.